Notes on May 23
It’s quite difficult to gather life into a single whole thing. 
In order to do so, my Being needs to be gathered into an increasingly related condition. There are fibers inside me that need to be gathered, sorted, and gently pulled together. Those fibers are impressions of life.
Together, they need to be spun into threads; and then the threads need to be organized into a warp, a structure which supports the fabric of my soul, and a weft: the objects, events, circumstances, and conditions that move through it, back-and-forth, as the warp threads move up and down in various patterns to contain and discipline the action of the weft threads.
This textile analogy is why Sanskrit refers to Tantric practice; tantra means loom.
As we age, the responsibility for undertaking this task so that the fabric of our life is more whole grows. The roots of its action need to go down into the finest and most detailed parts of Being; this requires a kind of inward scrutiny that exists apart from inner exercises, and even apart from receiving a sacred energy. It is a religious responsibility that lies within the realm of my own Being, and not what is given to me or acquired. 
This is because no matter what is sent from above, or rises up from below, the action of my own life, my karma, takes place on this level. The action of relating that karma to the level above and below is deeply affected by Tantric action. The threads that are woven on this level reach into the level below me and the level above me; so all of the actions and deeds in this life have the support from below and a responsibility to what is above. They are, collectively, a material that binds levels.
This can be actively sensed, because the levels below and above are active within this one as well, and my being is a living manifestation of that truth. It can be sensed with the cells if a certain kind of energy is present. That may or may not be possible; but the action of a careful and considered self-examination is possible, and needs to be undertaken at all times. I can’t take anything for granted, even the idea and fact that I am alive right now. I need to suspend my judgment of others and myself and see exactly where I am—very exactly, quite precisely. This will involve a summary of all of life as it is now, including what it has been before this, and the potentials it puts in front of me.
This represents a form of inward intelligence; and in its active and sacred form, intelligence is an expression of love. So all of these actions that are described, which begin with gathering life into a whole thing, are intelligent actions of love. 
I’d like to remember to honor that today through a better attention to the smallest things. 
~ Lee van Laer

“Instead of accumulating during one hour, one must try to keep constantly the organic sensation of the body. Sense one’s body again, continually without interrupting one’s ordinary occupations—to keep a little energy, to take the habit. 

I thought the exercises would allow you to keep the energy a long time, but I see it is not so. 

Wet a handkerchief, wring it out, put it on your skin. 

The contact will remind you. 

When it is dry, begin again. 

The key to everything—Remain apart. 

Our aim is to have constantly a sensation of oneself, of one’s individuality. 

This sensation cannot be expressed intellectually, because it is organic. 

It is something which makes you independent, when you are with other people.”
~ G.I. Gurdjieff


Yesterday i was laid low by a mystery bug; spent most of the day in bed, totally out of character for me. Felt better in the p.m. after some vivifying soup, worked on my tunes, and finished out the night with a little whiskey 

Now some coffee…


7:05 p.m. A good time for a cortado break; enjoying a few moments of alone time, me time, before heading off to pick up Ethan at his appointment. The music here is ambient and trippy and conducive to this Marcell. My thoughts return to inhabiting this body in the Present Moment, the feeling of it, gravity, necessary tension and unnecessary tension, my ankle twisted awkwardly across the bottom of the chair leg. More beats. Returning to the one source, allowing an opening. No thought. A relaxation of beingness, here and now. And this cortado. 


Scribbling notes, seeking inspiration, plotting and scheming to play a few shows this summer with my former Entropics band-mates, Dan and Will (along with Scott)… hearing Anthony Curtis doing a rendition of “A Love Supreme” was this morning a real source of inspiration. Have also revisited the Veneto West recordings. And, of course, then there are the “Vandiver Tapes.” There’s a whole lot of music to explore here. Looking forward to the adventure.

Friday Night in the Music Room

Turned on the rig last night and was really feeling it. A very good evening at playing. Started with a tutorial video on “She Said, She Said,” which really helped … Dsus chord worked it’s way into just about everything else I worked on last night, as well! So we’ve got “She Said, She Said,” “Rain,” “Vibrating,” and “Hard Day’s Night” and a reinvigorated “Another Way of Loving You.” Cool whammy part on that. More later. Felt really good to play. One of those magical nights where everything just felt right!

Today early voting then a quick stop at Target; really want to get some “fairy lights” for the music room…