In This Present Moment
https://johnnylovemusic.bandcamp.com/track/neil-3
Scott and I Recorded a remote album with Teradélie (France), which was very creatively satisfying and definitely checks all the boxes; I think it sounds just incredible. Lots of fun playing and singing. You can listen the track “Neil” on the link above!
My word, just read a thrilling and wonderful essay by Colin Blundell. What a thrilling world to be able to read, learn, receive such things! https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/60442410/posts/3609645887
His chart of the self! “This idea suggests an exercise that will serve as a visual expression of the way the ‘self’ is made up of multiple things that happen to us: we anchor in events; the events feed back into us over time – a two way process…” and yes, the way life flows into and out… it is all energetic… this feedback loop of “existing” and “being.” At any rate, I’m off for the house. Later, maybe a bit about my newest musical creations and “soundtrack” music…
Reading the Introduction this morning from Jean Vaysse “Toward Awakening,” a very special book for me on a personal level. Two and one-half years ago I was deep into the study of this marvelous book. I still marvel at the style and simplicity of it; at times the book comes fully alive and dazzles. But for the most part the book is even-keeled, back straight and feet-on-the-ground, clear, concise and practical.
My own method and ways of working must change, as everything outside me continues to change.
Returning back to reality from a wonderful and relaxing four-day weekend. A little mini-vacay from the daily grind really does wonders for the psyche. Feel more like myself than I have in ages. Seeing as these are COVID times, of course, means that we stayed home and went nowhere except to grab tacos and a trip for groceries. And that is fine by me. We did some serious lounging, read the Times, ate in bed, read, took long naps and watched manga. Proud that I was able to really clean the hell out of the kitchen last night. Thought about Jean Paul Sartre rubbing shoulders with G.I. Gurdjieff in Paris and how similar they were to each other in a way. Two completely different approaches to lived reality; each with his own definite aims towards life, each perfectly balancing a joy for life against a need to work, create, build a structure/philosophy to make sense of existence. Creative, promiscuous, deified, scandalous and vilified.
Friday and Saturday I set out to ready some new tunes for Scott… three tunes were worked on: what became “Dangerous Times”, and “Dangerous” and a re-worked “Girl for Me.” Recorded drums late Saturday and in the evening worked on singing, lyrics, mixes. Added and deleted some tracks to make a new “album”. Put some social commentary in there for good measure. These really are dangerous times. Plotted out the next album, sketched some ideas for ambient guitar music interspersed with poetry and zen recitations and (from my notes): ” …American Zen. ref. Paul Reps, Ginsberg.cf. Frissell. Tools: looper. W Cruttenden F-bass.Jazz drums or percussion (toms) Stay away from blues idioms. I think I’ve covered that ground…” all of which resulted in a double album: “Dangerous Times/American Zen”. Not satisfied with the results I started all over again on Monday and recorded my favorite song of the weekend, “Won’t You Go Out with Me (Tonight).” Having accomplished that left me with a huge sense of completion/satisfaction.
Now on to work on the next weekend album…
Been a busy week; thankful for a weekend to break up the frantic work-days. So much great music this week. Too much to report. Highlights include a great new batch of songs in a Sixties vibe, posted on my new Album “Love Explosion”. Highpoint for me was “Take Me Back to Luling,” a tribute to my high school town and the Class of 1981 gang. https://johnnylovemusic.bandcamp.com/track/take-me-back-to-luling
Worked on some DMT; have a whole slew of edits I want to make. Found a review of “Inner Worlds” online, which was a nice surprise….
Worked on 2 new tunes. Struggled with “Solar Flare”… sent the tune to Will Cruttenden who added an absolute brilliant upright electric bass part essentially saving the day! Changed the title to “Stars of Heaven”. You can listen to it here: https://johnnylovemusic.bandcamp.com/track/stars-of-heaven
Continued tweaking and twernings in StudioOne with a looking-forward-to-to-this-weekend’s-arisings this haggard Friday afternoon of another weekful of stuff. French recitation, field (cicada) recordings, and more drums, guitars and bass. Contemplating Scott and Dan. Add a touch of reverb to Lazy Summer Day per Sammy. Maybe a touch of chorus on the bass. Maybe recut the drums because that one-fill. I can’t seem to get “Going to the Store” to be less noisy. Maybe I’ll try again. Get Scott to add drums to “Heart Without Measure.” Write new tune, ala the Broadcast. By next week Cathy should have her USB interface. Possible James Cobb (at least the seed has been planted…)
Last night I “performed” the set list for the first time in several months. Felt good to play through tunes. Kicked it off with “There She Goes”, then “Freedom”, “Neil, Jack & Me”… added “Reconsidered” and “Battles”. Good additions. Need a bass player. Or a guitar player and I’LL play bass. Want to get little glasses ala Lennon. Shave and keep sideboards. Olivier’s video appearance in the little hat with the thin goatee. Now THAT is a look! I might have to steal it. Hubba hubba
Another new tune this week, this time for the DMT. Dan had sent some etheral looping via phone capture a few weeks ago. I layered on a nice rhythm guitar track and then a very cool bass part slathered in chorus with lots of harmonics. A week or so later I got Scott in and we added drums. Scott said we should redo it, that we could do better. So we re-recorded the guitars, bass and drums. Gary gave a listen and said he liked the feel of the first version better. The following week or two Gary was able to record his vocal. The ensuing track, after some alignment issues, came out incredible and the next tune up is “Of the Life Aligned”…
Here are the lyrics and “about this tune” bits:
Enigma Inside a Riddle Here we go sailing far away across the sea From the mountains through the valleys and places in between. From up high-we see everything….or so it seems. Come away from all the dreams and schemes Distorting what is seen. We turn away and turn inside instead Water to wine and breaking bread. CHORUS: To the Oracle-nine points within a circle The mystery unfolds. To the Oracle-nine points within a circle An enigma inside a riddle. Om Namah Shivaya (4 times) Step into this world of fantasy Dissolving long held beliefs. We step into this light so fantastic Revealing All…we finally see. CHORUS: To the Oracle-nine points within a circle The mystery unfolds. To the Oracle-nine points within a circle An enigma inside a riddle. Om Namah Shivaya (4 times)
Lyrics-GD Music-JM & DT (C) 2021 First speaking voice-JG Bennett taken from One Pair of Eyes, The Gurdjieff Work at Sherborne House, 1972-73. Second speaking voice-Ram Dass taken from lecture at JFK University in 1986 on the nature of the spiritual journey and letting go of attachments “Om Namah Shivaya” is often referred to as “the five-syllable-mantra”—evoking the five elements of existence: earth, water, fire, air, and space. It is a Vedic mantra said to be both purifying and a healing. This mantra is particularly potent given Shiva’s connection to death and destruction. A key element of yogic philosophy is coming to terms with our own mortality and the impermanence of existence. Om Namah Shivaya, then, is not only elevating in the sense that it brings the chanter closer to the divine, but also in its courageous affirmation: I take solace even in the unknowable and unimaginable path of destruction.
Really happy with the way this tune worked out. Scott and I had worked on recording drums on several new and older projects yesterday afternoon. So we tried a “jam” in real time, him on drums and African slit-drum simultaneously and me on guitar. Continuing on a theme of working with hazard he was able hear my part on the one set of headphones, while I could only hear his part. This is how we work. Afterwards I added additional guitars and muted bass (I wrapped an ace bandage underneath the strings at the first fret to try and get a thunky sound). I had a faulty connection going into the Presonus interface which led to a gradual degradation on the bass track by the end, which I solved with a quick fade. Hazard!
The lyrics and singing was harder. I had an idea but just couldn’t get there. It was a bit of a struggle. So I began with a sort of stream of consciousness style of writing, building it up line by line and when I recorded it, upon a few listens it struck me this song is about me, the internet, social media and the way the world has changed particularly over the past three or four years. The way people come and go… Indeed I realized that this song had everything, as Mr. G used to say, even “how to make an omelet!” It spans my entire creative life from the time I was 19 on, incorporates my influences and my first band in 1982 “Entropics” and a line from my other band “Pulsating Love Flower” (Come and Go). Finally, the title is from a poem I wrote in 1982 called “Life in Circles” which is in one of my earliest journals! So it’s a bit self-referential (I always love when a band does that) and also it has a good beat, you can dance to it and it’s a very full circle feeling having done it. Life really is a circle.
Life in Circles
And when I fracture
I subdivide, I subdivide
The calculation
The things inside
The things we hide
And all the feelings
The thoughts submerged
I call for action
To cull the herd
And what is living
In these strange times?
It’s such a struggle
All the time
I’m watching you
You’re watching mine
Life in circles
We come and go
When I fracture
Subdivide
The calculation
The things inside
And all these feelings
The thoughts submerged
A call for action
To cull the herd
What is living?
What is dying?
In these strange times
Such a struggle all the time
Life in circles
Life in circles
… unexpected as in a small gift. When the Universe suddenly gives you a “yes” (or at least a grudging “ok…”) after so many no, no, no’s.
Lots of music happenings. So much happens at times, I need to write it down because it becomes a torrent of ideas, connections, scribblings… Still reading Eno’s “A Year of Swollen Appendices.” Realizing I work very much like Eno. But I’m no Eno. He is collaborating with Sonos radio and doing a podcast or “radio show.” I like his methodology. He is articulate, slow and takes you through the song creating process with good humor and thoughtfulness. Here is the Mix Cloud link: https://www.mixcloud.com/sonos/program-1-introducing-the-lighthouse-from-brian-eno/?fbclid=IwAR0Xs-AcOsklRBw-ks8VCG7VG9GhWEcTLN_FKqEuEPTKEOvB0wuO8XgRY6M
Still delighted listening to DMT “The Ghost of Memory.” Tried some new mixes for “Into the Silence.” Gary not convinced. Old colleague Teradelie Za Comptine recommended Lucas Biela to me. He writes for the French webzine “Clair & Obscur” and is interested in perhaps doing a review of the DMT album, as well as featuring a track on his radio show on ISKC on 29 July. https://iskcrocks.com/?page_id=1387&fbclid=IwAR3QIEc9aPE-qNG6R8KZ7AOr-w9THiCAJF6CD28kcadxEMoXB9Cr6OnWHzQ http://clairetobscur.fr/
Lucas was very complimentary… “from the first notes, I knew it is a great album.”
When Gary and I spoke on Sunday evening he came up with the name for our next album (“Ghost” is now virtually completed): “A Continuum of Sorts.” Yes. Just brilliant.
DMT was paused while I worked up a song from a short capture from Will Willard (getting-away-from-it-all-under-the-stars-in-West-Texas), which turned into a wonderful tiny song called “Looking for Shooting Stars.” Will has now got an idea for his own studio space and is making progress, inspired (or in spite of) by my constant barrage of Tiny Tunes. “Looking for Shooting Stars” in turn inspired me to write and record “Caught a Glimpse of You”, which is a sweet song near and dear to my heart. Written over the 4th of July weekend it captures fireworks, fireflies and the quality of a starry Saturday night in Texas. Last Sunday Scott came over and added drums on both tracks; a double “A” side single! Really, “Caught a Glimpse of You” is a hit!
Finally, from Johnny Love y los Compadres and DMT the past week and weekend has been occupied with “John Marcell + Scott Potter’s RED MATTER”, a new project-arising heavily inspired by the interlocking guitars of Robert Fripp’s Discipline and the aural imagery of Entropics. Here we go now. 1982 all over again. Oh, yes; and “Unexpected Euphoria” would make a wonderful song title or album name…
June 18, 2021
Time tripping again; weird disjointed dreams but grounded in the attention of this moment and without the need of outside validation — a non-judgmental “being with.” No need for an external outward affirmation from the Universe. Accepting that things won’t necessarily change; but that things will be what they are. To allow things to just “be”. To allow all of life to flow through me.
Can I have an inner aim to “make an intentional contact between the inner-world struggle and the outer-world struggle”? “Then you can crystallize data for the Third World, the World of the Soul.” (Mr. Gurdjieff)
Nothing like a little bit of perspective to help clarify one’s thinking… feeling a bit blue today; a bit like a failure in many things. But then I realized how blessed I am, how much I love my family, how well they treat me and I spent some time reading this blog and realized just how very much I’ve accomplished over the past 9 years and I realize I am not a failure at all. These past 10 years have provided so many wonderful gifts; such incredible blessings. And I am proud of all that I was able to accomplish… in life, in work, in relationship and in art, music and poetry. Performing with a band, playing some local venues, parties and events; doing a solo coffeehouse gig (paying!), art opening, a solo set in Austin at the Hole in the Wall (36 years after Pulsating Love Flower played there) and my final hurrah (just before everything was shut down) with Scott and Daryl at the Carousel Lounge in Austin with a Small Foreign Faction! Not to mention the collaborations with Will Cruttenden in UK (2 albums!) and being able to work on 4 albums in the past 9 months during the pandemic:
https://johnnylovemusic.bandcamp.com/album/another-way-of-loving-you
https://johnnylovemusic.bandcamp.com/album/the-ghost-of-memory
“Spiritual work requires sustained practice and commitment to look very deeply into ourselves and the world around us to discover what has created human suffering and what will free us from any manner of conflict. We must look at ourselves over and over again in order to learn to love, to discover what has kept our hearts closed, and what it means to allow our hearts to open.”
– Jack Kornfield – A Path With Heart
Michel de Salzmann on the purpose of having a body, from the current summer issue: “Embodiment.”
“This body is not mine. It belongs to the dweller–
but it is mostly not available to the dweller so the
dweller is not there. But it belongs to the dweller
because only him does it give itself completely.
My state depends on the quality of energy in the body. I can
take refined energy from the air in breathing from this central
attention. The dweller needs this. There is a subtle energy
penetrating the body, moving through it, and I can perceive
that because I am a human being.
Now I begin to recognize a higher intelligence. An Attention,
which is not mine, can be received–received by a finer body
within the physical body.
The thread of this subtle influence–recognize that, be with
that. That is what the body is for. It is nothing without that.”
–Michel de Salzmann from Notes on the Next Attention, ed. Fran Shaw (New York: Indications Press, 2010)
(reblogged from parabola-magazine)
Cool morning, leaf blowers, sirens, highway traffic, the sound of the fountain here. This morning, return to centrum. Upon awakening, “I AM… in the Work.” Seeking a deeper engagement with those parts within myself that WANT to Work. A deeper participation. I do have the tools at hand. I can wish to do. The outward manifestations, the things of my life, will come and go, ebb and flow; but it is all illusory, transitory, fleeting. What is real exists. Love exists. The great Work continues. I wish to serve something higher. The fundamental question is one of seeing and in being with Being. A train heard in the distance, it’s long, sad notes. These are some things in the moment. Treasures in the heart.
The Game
“The suggestion is put, the call is made. The rest is up to each one of us.
On the one hand –
sleep, absence, forgetting;
on the other,
awakening, presence, remembering oneself.
These are the basic elements of the problem.
It is up to each of us to join in the game.”
~ Henri Tracol, ‘The Real Question Remains.
Gurdjieff: A Living Call’
Autumn equinox today; I am feeling it. Wonderful morning sitting exercise/meditation with Roger Gabriel today. Letting go, cleansing. How auspicious this first day of Autumn!
Today I ask “Who Am I”? Am I past thoughts and associations? Am I my concerns for the future?
Eckhart Tolle says, “Remember you are the sky. The clouds are what happens, what comes and goes.”
Spend time being aware in the now, in the moment.
“Who am I? I listen to the resonance of the question. And I begin to hear the resonance of the response, which I perceive through a sensation of life, of a current of life. It shows me that at this moment my essence is touched. My work is not imaginary, not only on the surface. It has penetrated more deeply. I belong to this life whose echo I feel, and wish only to attune myself to it. I listen in myself to the resonance of “I am .” It must become more important than everything else. This is my soul itself that is here.”
~ Jeanne de Salzmann, “The Reality of Being: The Fourth Way of Gurdjieff.”
Wonderful, relaxing morning working in the office/studio and dreaming about poetry/books/art… somewhat less disorganized now with a clear view of my desk. Earlier sensing Mr. G’s presence, coffee and bird-song. For the past three days I have had more balance, poise and grace. I am at One with my Being.
Otherwise, trying to limit the number of outside distractions.
Spike is helping me these days; as is Kayla’s support, in music and generally. Also, Lee and Kev and Will. Psychologically feeling very strong and back today. Took care of a lot of personal business the past two days. Ruminating on book concept(s). Ordered the Katie Pell book from French & Michigan. Excited to pick it up. Might have to buy two copies. Still want the David Berman book, too…
Today I returned to my original zen self. And I find I want to drink saki, play waka and do calligraphy. Fitting, as this is now August and the cicadas are singing. By my side is Gary Snyder’s “This Present Moment.” I am here tonight in nature, nature all around me. The fading sunlight. I find I want a light zen robe or tunic. Last night was the full moon in Aquarius. Perhaps this has something to do with today’s transformation. Who knows? Only God knows. But what a joy to return to “mu” and quietness and groundedness. I find my zen mind and embrace the all-ness of me, uncritically, as an impartial observer. All the world is a tiny moment, or a series of tiny moments, step by step.
August is also the month of Brian Eno “St Elmo’s Fire.
Lastly, August is always the month of new beginnings.
How auspicious!
Personal epiphany December 2 2019
… too late probably, but I need to lighten the fuck up and stay in love light. Remember to be gentle with people, with myself. We’re all going through shit. Times are rough. Hold onto compassion. Don’t force. Be fluid. Accepting. Especially of your own shit. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Be open and remember love. Stay hydrated and for fuck’s sake don’t drink so much!
This morning at one-ness. Peace. Whole. Still the need to share with someone… somehow…
“Covet” is strongly informing my approach to guitar at present. This extends not only to approach, but also style and composition. If I ever get back to “playing in a band” again I intend on deepening the exploration of such sonic possibilities and returning to something more akin to “Entropics” and instrumental music. At least that seems to be my current thinking. Of course, it will all change tomorrow. You’ll see.
“Notes from a Final Gurdjieff Meeting on the 38th Anniversary of My Meeting the Work:” The introduction of a small practice into our life allows for a qualitative shift. A qualitative shift brings an expanded consciousness. An expanded consciousness brings about an inner release, healing and openness. This will have a local resonance, as well as a planetary and cosmic one. THE GREAT RACE TOWARD AWAKENING. Running, running, running — meetings; working so hard. No time to savor. Life is so short. Why not just sit quietly amongst friends?
Read this from Anthony Hodgson on the Meaning of University in the Third Horizon: “To discover and innovate sustainable abundance in the context of one living planet” which leads to lofty goal imaginings: “An integrative approach to a guitar driven band with an emphasis on the presentation of possible futures and clues to an evolving consciousness with a goal of planetary healing.”
Sip Brew Bar
Here with this cortado, being present in this moment. Being alive to the possibilities of being. No spiritual props, mantras or dogmas. 
Just this. Not words. Do I Am.
Rain all day, home, the small practice room
Reading “Notes on the Next Attention”, pages 102-103 “Love and compassion can come through me ~ compassion for my (various) parts, too… to be able to experience something real; to receive from Above this that is real ~ a movement ~ both worlds together for a moment.”
Also, from Ian ~ Frank Sinclair’s Prayer on the Anniversary of Gurdjieff’s death.
Finally from Ian, Jeanne de Salzmann: “I begin to realize that my presence is where my attention is.”
This morning feeling these presences, flowing through me… a continuity of being. From Mister Gurdjieff to Richard, Robert, Ian to de Salzmann, J Foster, Yvonne, Jim Nes, Nishima, Anson, Pierce, Sid… a continuation, continuum of presencing. A direct line of being-transmission. A blessed life. The connectiveness.
A quiteness that can fill the body, even in the coffee shop.
“Listening quitely to ourselves we know that we are, even though we may not know what we are. Perhaps this is the ultimate knowledge” (William Segal)
This morning reading Michel de Salzmann and remembering William Segal’s writings. A small point of maturity is touched in me. There is a groundedness that can be available. That I can simply sit in. This is a maturity. Not reactive. Pure. One cannot attain it. Simple being. Is-ness. Sometimes I remember these things. Sometimes I can cease the struggle to attain, acquire, collect. Why the need to acquire? It is from a feeling of lack. Un-necessary. All this is impermanent. All of life is fleeting. And this is beautiful. How disappointed I have been with myself. To what benefit? To be a man means to accept what is, smile to ourselves at the reflections, the currents, the ebb and flow of the life force in it’s dance, totality. One cannot control it. One cannot even control oneself.
To be at peace one must be at one with circumstances; develop an inner separation, impartiality. Neither “this”, nor “that.” “Develop” is, of course, the wrong word. One cannot grow into it; one must surrender. It is the default position when I drop holding onto “my agenda” and stop being so personal.
Nothing personal.
This is the key. It’s not personal. Nothing is. It’s just life. Good day… bad day. Be a mountain. The mountain does not take it personal. It merely exists in it’s perfection, in just this moment.
Seeking to awaken the vertical dimension in me, as well as the horizontal dimension. To sense, to feel the attraction. But to inhabit both and embrace life and love fully. This is the aim, to be aware of and sense existence; to live in this state, rather than inhabit a state of sleep. To live the awakened life. I can trace this attraction very far back in my life … strangely to one particular street of my early childhood: West Avenue. Early awakening experiences, of realizing the miraculousness of inhabiting a body, and coming into that. Later, feeding my budding interests with new age magazine; a definite arc, a resonance.
September 29, 2017 Local Coffee at the Pearl 8:07 a.m.
Here with Ken Wilber this morning, on a rain-slicked-streets-kind-of-morning. Opened to a section (ala’ William Segal) of the book and landed on page 55, a wonderful section on “the Witness”, pure-bliss of being with just-is-ness, and maintaining that state:
“I started lucid dreaming at that point, but more a witnessing. That current of witnessing or constant consciousness has stayed with me now for several days and nights, which is usually the way it has been, off and on, for several years now.
“It’s a fascinating process. It is pure Emptiness, altogether unbounded, radiant, pure, free, limitless, beyond light and beyond bliss, radically unqualifiable. Ramana (Maharshi) called this deep witnessing (or constant consciousness) the I-I, because it is aware of the little I or separate self. Ken Wilber is just a gross-level manifestation of what I-I really am, which is not Ken at all, but simply the All. Ken was born and will die, but I-I never enters the stream of time. I-I am the great Unborn, I-I am the mysterious undying; the entire Kosmos exists as the simple feeling of my own Being. And every sentient being in the entire universe can make that claim, as long as they stand as the great I-I, which is no I whatsoever.”
Beautiful passage; just that!
Blessed morning. Coffee, friendship, conversation, sharing and integral being. I don’t want to leave this spot right here. But… to the office I must go.
Notes on May 23
From Lee van Laer’s blog:
It’s quite difficult to gather life into a single whole thing.
In order to do so, my Being needs to be gathered into an increasingly related condition. There are fibers inside me that need to be gathered, sorted, and gently pulled together. Those fibers are impressions of life.
Together, they need to be spun into threads; and then the threads need to be organized into a warp, a structure which supports the fabric of my soul, and a weft: the objects, events, circumstances, and conditions that move through it, back-and-forth, as the warp threads move up and down in various patterns to contain and discipline the action of the weft threads.
This textile analogy is why Sanskrit refers to Tantric practice; tantra means loom.
As we age, the responsibility for undertaking this task so that the fabric of our life is more whole grows. The roots of its action need to go down into the finest and most detailed parts of Being; this requires a kind of inward scrutiny that exists apart from inner exercises, and even apart from receiving a sacred energy. It is a religious responsibility that lies within the realm of my own Being, and not what is given to me or acquired.
This is because no matter what is sent from above, or rises up from below, the action of my own life, my karma, takes place on this level. The action of relating that karma to the level above and below is deeply affected by Tantric action. The threads that are woven on this level reach into the level below me and the level above me; so all of the actions and deeds in this life have the support from below and a responsibility to what is above. They are, collectively, a material that binds levels.
This can be actively sensed, because the levels below and above are active within this one as well, and my being is a living manifestation of that truth. It can be sensed with the cells if a certain kind of energy is present. That may or may not be possible; but the action of a careful and considered self-examination is possible, and needs to be undertaken at all times. I can’t take anything for granted, even the idea and fact that I am alive right now. I need to suspend my judgment of others and myself and see exactly where I am—very exactly, quite precisely. This will involve a summary of all of life as it is now, including what it has been before this, and the potentials it puts in front of me.
This represents a form of inward intelligence; and in its active and sacred form, intelligence is an expression of love. So all of these actions that are described, which begin with gathering life into a whole thing, are intelligent actions of love.
I’d like to remember to honor that today through a better attention to the smallest things.
~ Lee van Laer
June 26, 2017
… new ideas, a method, connectedness. Connecting the dots… Fred Frith to Arto Lindsay, artists, writers, Barthes, Sartre, Foucault, Jean Vaysse, Maurice Nicoll…. They call to me and bring inspiration. A world of ideas. Ideas which come through contemplation, solitudes, reflection and arise out of silence. Indeed then, all created things arise out of silence. All encompassing; this field of silence which is the birther of all life and creativity. The beauty of this present life— am I living in it? It starts with “I AM”, and in this moment— no thought, no idea, no method. Just here with silence; being with what is. Non-judgmental. Curious.
June 27, 2017
Overcast and cooler today. Watching my reactions, the ego-mind. Perceived injustices. A true psychology of being brings a clarity and stability and a point from which “I” observe all of this. A point at which I can claim a verifiable freedom. It is genuine.
Sartre used a term I like in this regard: authenticity. Which points back to Jeanne de Salzmann’s idea of “being.” To walk in that quality of being in authenticity, awake and alive in the full potentiality of openness in this moment. Essentially, to be awake is to attend to this present moment in an open-hearted and curious way. To embrace the specialness of ordinary moments and see them/feel them imbued with a certain quality. Feeling the quality.
That sense of quality is always present. But we constantly gloss over it. Sensing the quality must be practiced. We can open to it. We can create a space for it; respect it. We settle into a right relationship, bringing our attention to bear. We come back to a relaxed state. We breathe and are breathed. And at some point we open to love. A spacious love directed at first to “I” and this moment.Then outwards toward the world. But we must start from the self. From the vantage point of the relaxed self. A side-benefit is an impartiality, a non-judgmental view. And this corresponds to an active state of curiosity of seeing myself and the world, an objective view if we invoke Ouspensky. Or if we invoke Buddhism —non-grasping. To be, but not be taken. This is the key to everything.
Embracing the silence we become collected and surrendered to the quality of life; otherwise, we are just being lived…
June 28, 2017
This moment will never come again. A photograph, captured. Perfect in innocence, a stillness, a quietude, a momentary pause to simply acknowledge “I AM.”And I AM here, in nowness. This moment, perfect in it’s all-ness contains for me the entire Universe. A breath, a smile, a kiss, a taste… the taste of Oneness. To allow all to just be. Can I drop my wish to control, to change those things which I cannot change? Can I step back from my limited, judgmental mind of “this and that” and see?A more inclusive thought? When I work with this idea of non-judgment something begins to happen. I see others, I see myself with a heart-compassion. Love comes. I extend my love outward. I cease holding back. I learn to embrace, to love without fear. I begin to transform into a more loving human being. An inner unity is birthed in me. I embrace it, but cannot explain it with my thinking mind. More and more I learn to trust this inner taste; more and more I learn to let go into this deepening attention.
June 29, 2017
Morning and a reconnection with the flow of life-being. Birds chatter, a quietness and a surrender to a gentle feeling of simplicity and inner ease. The essence of grace. A benediction. I return to sensation and the body; observing it’s posture and tensions. I wish to stay with this sensation: the body, then mental activity and my emotions. To exist within this matrix; simultaneously open to above and below. Without expectation or judgment. To live this freedom in a connectedness with the life-force, free of hope or fear. This what I am called for, my highest purpose: to be in right relation with the All and Everything in the Universe, of which I am a part. I play a mysterious role in all of this. It is a mystery I serve, but to serve I must remain open. It is not something I can “do.” It is a relaxing into what is. A letting go ego-agenda.
June 30, 2017
Returning to the quality of this solitude, this very quiet moment; partaking in a subtle inner stillness. Reconnecting with this finer energy, I bring to my mind those moments yesterday where I failed to be more fully present, when I reacted to an event rather than allow and receive it. When I lost the compassionate inner connection. When I became angry. Good to see these points of losing it— seeing it without judging it; without going down the rabbit hole of self criticism, or worse fixation, depression. To see it, allow it and move through it. To have been offended but to forgive. Forgiveness goes in both directions — a double-arrow. So I can see my reactions, I can receive this, feel it in my body, hold it there, then release. Who can understand the gentleness of the process? This is so fundamental to an understanding of the reconciling third force. It’s hallmark, it’s taste is a true inner gentleness. I have no where seen this acknowledged anywhere within sacred texts, but it must be acknowledged and taught more freely because it is key to allowing the holy spirit to unite with Being: body, mind and emotions. That which unites, the reconciling force, allows the presence of God, the Presence. And the point of meeting of presence-ing is a point of gentleness. This is the untaught presumption. The Holy Spirit is non-violent: it does not judge. It is light. So the idea is two-fold. To be in the quiet state is to be in the matrix of Gentleness. And when we view our limitations and reactions, we do so from this state of non-judgmental gentleness.
This is an important understanding as a measure of our inner spiritual progress, but also as a measure of society. The less society values this quality, the less the quality of the society.
To counter this, return often to cultivate this generous quality of gentleness. It is the only way.
July 1, 2017
Today clouds and humidity. Semi-tropical weather. Outside on the back patio, sipping coffee; the drone of the window units, gently humming. Sitting in stillness.
July 3, 2017
A gratitude arises in me. I am sitting in oneness here in the coffee shop. I am not taken. I am still, attentive, open to receiving an energy which is freely filling me, awake to receive impressions. Following my breath, sensing the placement of my feet beneath the table… feeling the weight; feeling the floor. Here I can simply “be.” …not subject to a thought, or an agenda, or a schedule. Simply open to the is-ness of the Universe. It is a powerful and gentle state of surrendered-ness. Feeling this wonderful tension/release—this knot in my back from improvised sleeping arrangements… all is suffused and bathed in the light of ultimate being-ness. I wish to be here, now. In this collected state. Relaxed and renewed. A short reading from Michel de Salzmann (“The Next Attention”) and this powerful coffee. Being in the observing. Remaining in curiosity. A great gift to receive these ideas, these teachings. Very light. Years and years, and finally I am beginning to get it. Walking along the periphery of this lineage, without being entrenched in formality; therefor simply free to sit in this light, to receive that which is available. A great blessing. A mudra. Om mani padre hum!
“Instead of accumulating during one hour, one must try to keep constantly the organic sensation of the body. Sense one’s body again, continually without interrupting one’s ordinary occupations—to keep a little energy, to take the habit.
I thought the exercises would allow you to keep the energy a long time, but I see it is not so.
Wet a handkerchief, wring it out, put it on your skin.
The contact will remind you.
When it is dry, begin again.
The key to everything—Remain apart.
Our aim is to have constantly a sensation of oneself, of one’s individuality.
This sensation cannot be expressed intellectually, because it is organic.
It is something which makes you independent, when you are with other people.”
~ G.I. Gurdjieff
Yesterday i was laid low by a mystery bug; spent most of the day in bed, totally out of character for me. Felt better in the p.m. after some vivifying soup, worked on my tunes, and finished out the night with a little whiskey
Now some coffee…
7:05 p.m. A good time for a cortado break; enjoying a few moments of alone time, me time, before heading off to pick up Ethan at his appointment. The music here is ambient and trippy and conducive to this Marcell. My thoughts return to inhabiting this body in the Present Moment, the feeling of it, gravity, necessary tension and unnecessary tension, my ankle twisted awkwardly across the bottom of the chair leg. More beats. Returning to the one source, allowing an opening. No thought. A relaxation of beingness, here and now. And this cortado. 
Scribbling notes, seeking inspiration, plotting and scheming to play a few shows this summer with my former Entropics band-mates, Dan and Will (along with Scott)… hearing Anthony Curtis doing a rendition of “A Love Supreme” was this morning a real source of inspiration. Have also revisited the Veneto West recordings. And, of course, then there are the “Vandiver Tapes.” There’s a whole lot of music to explore here. Looking forward to the adventure.
Turned on the rig last night and was really feeling it. A very good evening at playing. Started with a tutorial video on “She Said, She Said,” which really helped … Dsus chord worked it’s way into just about everything else I worked on last night, as well! So we’ve got “She Said, She Said,” “Rain,” “Vibrating,” and “Hard Day’s Night” and a reinvigorated “Another Way of Loving You.” Cool whammy part on that. More later. Felt really good to play. One of those magical nights where everything just felt right!
Today early voting then a quick stop at Target; really want to get some “fairy lights” for the music room…
I’ve had several inquiries; those wishing to purchase my small book of poetry may do so here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/john-marcell/living-sensing-being/paperback/product-22205456.html
Good weekend re-connecting with music on two fronts:
Thursday/Friday revisited working drafts of acoustic Guitar Craft versions of “Burwood”, “Landscape”, “Spirit Monkey” and “Moon” with an idea of expanding this direction for a book signing event I’ve been asked to perform at in April; hoping Dan and I can also include guitar-synth-volume-swell-loopage into these arrangements. Much inspired by the music of Bert Lams and Fabio Mittino (Gurdjieff “Long Now”) and Steve Ball and the incredible work being done with the Tiny Orchestral Moments project (ongoing).
Saturday night Hols came over and we began work on the Johnny Love material; several possible gigs upcoming this spring. Holly, despite not being a bass player, accepted the challenge whole-heartedly and two songs are being worked on … “Mandalas” and “Come & Go”. Great joy; I have so missed working with a bassist. Already I can tell Holly has a good feel and can definitely bring what the music has been asking for. Hoping to really begin gearing up to get a complete set-list down by the end of February; totally do-able. In a few weeks we’ll bring in Scott on drums.
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February 10, 2016
Progress continues; we’ve added “Heart of Tao”, “Freedom” and “Lost Madonna of the Wasps” to the set-list, with our first gig on April 10 at the Paper Tiger (Taco Land Ram Jam) along with I Ching Gatos, Lost #3 Dinners and a bunch of other bands. Thinking adding “Mysterious”, “Human Beings” and “Here and Now” should get us to where we need to be…maybe another cover or two, like “You Keep Me Hangin’ on the Telephone” February 19, 2016 Awesome first full-band rehearsal last night, adding “Wish you Were Mine” to the set; sounded just incredible. Man oh man, I am consistently humbled by the presence of these guys who truly have brought these tunes back to life. Sound even better than ever. Continue to work with vocals and solidifying the lead guitar breaks. I seem to have hit a groove in that department. Watching old Joy Division videos provided some inspiration. Definitely getting a cool New Order/Fripp sound, heavily chorused. Next to add a flanger to Hols’ bass! February 21, 2016 Two Lovecasters in attendance for a Sunday afternoon working session. We now have nine tunes on the ever-growing set-list! Enough to fill 30 minutes (if you don’t count tuning-up). Getting a real handle on the songs. Still trying to find some warm up gigs; clearly I am ready to play! March 5, 2016 Another full-band practice; throwing around a lot of ideas for parts, hammering out some loose ends. Added “Human Beings.” “World.” “Here and Now” and “I Wanna Be with You” you the set-list. Sounding really good. Reaching out to fellow gigsters for opening slots and wanting to record a little demo. March 13, 2016 Rock-out with Hols to an audience of one. We respond to encouragement. Great little impromptu photo session by our semi-official band photographer, Karma Delilah. Sent clips to Willie, who is digging our sound and the bottom end. Will recommends no flanger, “just get an Ampeg tube bass amp… to get a clean low-down groove tone.” That said, totally digging Holly’s sound. Comparisons to Sara Lee are not off mark; now to add some of the more Frippy League of Gentlemen-ish tunes, like Marcell/Cruttenden “the Pithy Code”. March 19, 2016 Seven songs into the set list things really took off tonight; I don’t know what it was but we had an immediacy and urgency we haven’t yet had and really rocked it up on Human Beings. Michael Escamilla’s words once spoken about me came back to me and this time I really felt what he meant internally: “I miss the old angsty Johnny Love.” Definitely was channeling a bit of Arto Lindsay as we proceeded to do more passionate and sensuous versions of “Come and Go,” “World” and “I Wanna Be with You.” I like this new, hot Lovecasters Band. Tonight we were smokin’. Now to re-work the set list and trim it down a bit for the show. April 4, 2016 Holly and Johnny took another pass at the tunes tonight; definitely on, definitely hot and smokey vibe continuing. Songs have a new intimacy and grooviness… whatever it is we’re doing I want to keep it up. Again getting into massaging the tunes and going for more dynamics and passion. We are into a groove; tomorrow hoping for another full band rehearsal for the big show on Sunday! April 5, 2016 More sonic boomba tonight; did not make it to Bang Bang Bar, but a good practice and review. Still tweaking the set-list; more talks with Scott with what to drop, what to keep… April 10, 2016 Sunday afternoon final rehearsal with Scott & Hols (pre-show warm-up) and to refresh my memory as to where exactly those solos go. Felt good to run through the songs. Confidence level is high. Used a strip of blue painter’s tape to hold some extra picks onto the body of my Lovecaster ™ guitar; gig bag packed, tuner, chorus pedal,extra strings and batteries. Good to go. Off to Southtown 101 in the Scott-mobile…. Arrived to hear the last few tunes by the Country Giants and get a sense of the room. Checked-in with Eddie and AC, got our wrist-bands. Holly arrives and we gets to hang with Karl (“Yelders”) Yelderman who buys me and Scott a beer. Cindy Osborne performs an enjoyable set and then The Lovecasters are on! Quicky tune-up, plug into amps and we’re off… current definitely on, especially by the time we got to Mandalas and Lost Madonna; closed our abbreviated set with Freedom… a bit bummed we couldn’t squeeze in Human Beings and Heart of Tao, but a good set nonetheless and Scott and Holly both rocked it! We had a really good response. Great crowd, totally awesome reviews and support. Finally got to meet some Facebook friends in real life (Mark Weber, and Lawrence Michael); Kevin Kosub’s band was great. A relaxing post-show hang and even got to meet the great Augie Myers! Re-connected with Eva. Was introduced to Terry Ramirez. Can’t wait to do Ram Jam in 2017. Now to get some more gigs! Hopefully play Greg’s backyard event in June! May 6, 2016 Played a fun “ambient” gig at the Webhouse on April 24 with Francesco Perdona, Justin Burke and friends; Lovecasters also got to play our set (our second gig!) and we have a few new converts/friends as a result. Ms. Terry took photos. Hoping to play there again soon. Back to working on expanded set list; excited by the further addition of Another Way of Loving You, No Distance, All My Life, Lost in the Valley and some pretty sweet covers (“There she Goes Again”, “Frame by Frame”, “You Keep Me Hangin’ on the Telephone” and “Free As a Bird”). Looking forward to practicing tomorrow with Scott and Holly.
Great show at Big Z’s for Kimberly’s Rockin’ Birthday Bash!! Lots of great music and friends and exposure for the band!
 
Spent part of Saturday out in the small office re-organizing, cleaning and shuffling papers out in my office. I’m about half-way there on having a more efficient work-space. Still need to re-boot the studio and see where I’m at.
A wet South Texas morning in mid-November. Perfect coffee weather. No band practice this weekend, but I’ve been trying to keep my fingers moving nonetheless. Tonight we might swing by and check out James Sidlo perform at “San Antonio’s First Ever Live Looping Festival” over at Boneshakers.
LABOR DAY9/2/2013 Enjoying a relaxing three-day weekend at home. Doing a bit of puttering around the house, laundry and actually working on some music projects pending for three years… later, phone calls to Will and to Anthony on possible futures.
And this afternoon, out to the little shed to run through the set list. This year I’ve been really enjoying the sheer “getting-in-tuneness” with my body and my instrument, the physical joy of just playing. The tactile-ness. Touch. Somatic. It really is about quality of attention; quality is a specific word which has a specific meaning for me, which embodies something precious, like being fully-awake in this very moment. If I am awake to the music and play in the here and now, a certain quality is also present. Attention is the witness. Attention and quality are the twin flames of awakedness/awakening. |
My friend Dennis posted the following challenge several days ago:
“Here is a little compassion focused challenge for us today, if we are willing. I’m writing it because it seems like a good idea for personal practice, and thought I would share it. Can we spend 3 minutes today deliberately practicing self-compassion? Can we spend another 3 minutes deliberately engaging in compassionate action for another person? What does it take to remember to do this? How do we break the flow of busy-ness in order to take such action? These steps could be deliberate actions in the world, such as giving someone a hand or eating healthily. Alternatively, this could be meditative practice, such as compassionate imagery. Even taking a 3 minute rest would fit the bill. So I invite my friends to share in this challenge today, and let us know how it went. Sending love, respect and warm wishes with my friends today.”
What a wonderful gift/reminder. To become collected for 3-6 minutes, to embrace silence and allow compassion into our heart. First towards ourselves; then to flow outwards.
Blessings!
More Prayers and Hymns
“Es werde Licht!” Ausstellungskonzept
Ein altes Bild zu neuem/zu neuen Leben erweckt – ein Ausstellungskonzept.
Musik: John Marcell
Gestaltung/Konzept: Gerald Benesch
vabenesch@gmail.com
This weekend I worked on Prayers and Hymns out in the small studio; I had intended on working on solo pop tunes. Prayers and Hymns came out instead. “I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.” ~ Dalai Lama
Einstein in the Big Easy:
“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space.
He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.
This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.
Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
― Albert Einstein
The clouds
Move above our heads
Through
My open window
Sipping a whiskey because I have no scotch. A bit of rain, but nothing like el valle. Tomorrow we expect rain all day. Been a brilliant birthday week; last night drinks and cigars with Burton and Chris. Monday a lunch at Acenar. Presents today, new tie from Saks and work shoes from Macy’s. Very stylish!
Rain, waiting for it; today we watch as hurricane dolly heads for the s. texas coastline. now to work.
The Work of Now 